Keep It Up

     I really enjoyed writing this piece because I was able to write about someone really special to me. I felt like for a first draft it was pretty good but it could definitely be kicked up a notch! What i like most about the paper is the descriptions of my dad, specifically my opening description. "Walking through the door after work is the first thought I have of my dad. All you can see is his weathered face, the rest of him covered up by the warm layers, protecting him from the cold. He has that smell of the outdoors that you don’t really notice until someone walks in. His bright orange shirt and hat blind you for a second. You wonder why he would wear such a thing. His caramel hair has turned black from the snow, spiked up like little icicles." When I picture my dad, this is what I think of. Although it is not what he looks like all the time, I picture him in a working sense, and hopefully my description gives the reader the same sense. I also like the line, "He has taught me to stick it out, work as hard as I can, and never give up. These are things that everyone knows, but for the first time I saw them in action when it really mattered." I would possibly think of changing this line up a little to make it more clear, but this is more of what I would like to focus on for my dominant impression. I would also like to develop more on my descriptions and examples of my dad's personality. He is somewhat of a complex personality, which is hard to explain. My original example is, "One of my new friends from school had been coming over to my house a lot. At first my dad wouldn’t even say hi to her. Then one day we were eating at the table and all of the sudden my friend turned around to find my dads face two inches from hers, staring right at her, and scaring her half to death." I like this example but it may be hard for some readers to really get the idea of his personality. Therefore, I would like to develop a new example, or possibly another description. I could also add more dialogue in this area to give the reader the full effect. Depending on what I decide to focus on for my dominant impression, the descriptions of his personality may not be as needed, but instead i could add more examples of him dealing with the situation and teaching me the lessons I had stated before. This would help to develop the dominant impression more.
      I would love to know where else more description could be added and if I should clarify any descriptions already made. I would also like feedback on whether my dominant impression is understood. I believe that there is a dominant impression but am not sure whether it ties into the rest of the story or if it is emphasized enough. I felt that my descriptions were more of a main focus but i would rather the dominant impression be the focus. Third, where else can more dialogue be added? And is the current dialogue effective? Lastly, my title. I like the title, but feel that there may be better and more interesting ideas.

Keep It Up

       Walking through the door after work is the first thought I have of my dad. All you can see is his weathered face, the rest of him covered up by the warm layers, protecting him from the cold. He has that smell of the outdoors that you don’t really notice until someone walks in. His bright orange shirt and hat blind you for a second. You wonder why he would wear such a thing. His caramel hair has turned black from the snow, spiked up like little icicles.

             His height is deceiving. He seems tall and tough but when you get up next to him, you realize he’s more of a shrimp, than a giant. His strength is deceiving too. His stature gives you the sense that he’s just a big fatty, when in reality he’s 160 pounds of pure muscle. He has this look that he gets when he first meets someone, usually scaring them away. It’s a look that is hard to explain, but if you don’t know him, it probably sends shivers down your spine.

           In the past two years my dad has taught me more than I would have ever thought. He has taught me to stick it out, work as hard as I can, and never give up until I reach my goal. And more importantly, I learned the importance of family and sticking together.

Sitting at his laptop, every single day, all day, filling out application after application. I see him there on the couch, hunched over towards the computer, his almond eyes squinting until they disappear in the wrinkles, even though he’s wearing his glasses. Due to the issues in the economy, my dad was unable to work, so he sat at home every day applying to job after job. He had literally applied to hundreds of jobs, just like those people they showed on the news. With so many people out of work, it was difficult to find a job when  hundreds of other people were in the same situation.

He always seemed so excited when we would come home from school, seeing as he had been sitting there all by himself for so long doing the same thing as the day before. He would ask question after question, “How was your day? What are you doing tonight? Do you have a lot of homework?” It was somewhat annoying but I knew he only wanted someone to talk to and he sounded so excited. The mood totally changed when you would ask him about his day. “What did you do today Dad?” I would ask. “Well I cleaned up the kitchen because I hadn’t cleaned it yesterday, and I worked a little out in the yard again,” he answered dejectedly. I felt horrible, but he always tried to keep a smile on his face. You could see it in his eyes that he was worried, but he would never let anyone know it.

            The times that were the worst were when he would actually receive a call back from somewhere asking him to go in for an interview. The whole family would get so excited, but when we came home the next day and asked him about it, it was always, “Its not really worth it, there won’t be enough money.” That was the hardest part, always getting our hopes up and then realizing that it was never going to work out. It was hard for the whole family, but it was hardest for my dad. My dad, being a land surveyor, had to travel out of town a lot. He worked in all kinds of weather, and when he was home on the weekends, his days off from work, he still worked. He did the yard work, or cleaned the house, anything to keep himself busy. He’s always moving, and for the first time, with no job, he actually stopped. Or so you would think.

            Instead he just worked at finding a job, everyday, all day. Month after month, he searched and searched. Whether something came of his efforts or not, he kept going. He never gave up because the family depended on him.  In the whole situation he brought us closer together. We all supported each other, we ate dinner together every night, something we hadn’t in done in years.  I saw how his persistence and heart to never give up, whether he found a job or not, actually brought about better effects. We became a better family, and learned that together we could make it through anything, as long as we stuck together.

            We are a closer family than ever before, and have learned more about each other through the hardships we have endured. My mom is now famous for her monthly calendars in which she plans the meals for everyday of the month, because everyday we still have a family dinner. My dad has also found a job. He’s doing the same thing as before, just working with a new company and we couldn’t be any more relieved. Surprisingly, I am glad that we had to endure this because in the end it brought about more good than bad. Family and the people around are what really help a person get through tough situations, and I don’t know what I would do without a great family like mine.