To the Reader

Dear Reader,
     When first signing up for College Composition, I wasn't sure what to think of the class. I didn't know whether it would be a class focusing just on the making of our college essays, or if we would be drafting other types of essays as well. We did in fact write many other essays, on all different topics. With many of the essays, I found it difficult to begin, but because of this I learned to just get down my thoughts. With writing on the paper it was much easier to go back and edit in order to make a cohesive draft. We wrote many drafts before revising any of them. This forced me to take time away from what I had written, allowing me to revise with a clear and open mind.
     I felt fairly comfortable with my writing in the beginning of the class, but many times I was afraid of trying new techniques or ideas. Throughout the course I found myself taking more risks in my writing. Because of this I felt that my writing grew over the course. I still feel like I struggle with a little bit of creativity. Once I have come up with an idea I find it difficult to develop alternative ideas that may fit into my piece better. I struggled with this most in the seven deadly sins paper. Overall, I think i grew most in my initial drafts in terms of just getting my ideas and writing on the paper. Instead of trying to think of all the ideas at once, I just wrote, and I feel that my work turned out better.
     My first post was a reflection on my food paper called, Chocolate, Chocolate, Chocolate! The paper was based on a article we had read in class called, " I Guess That's Why They Call Me A Bitch." It was written by a women about a experiment she had done, where she tried different kinds of dog food and compared them. As a class we then decided to conduct similar experiments. I was part of the group who tasted and compared chocolates. We then wrote an essay explaining our results. This paper was different than many I had done before because it was actually written about something I had actually done. Research was helpful for this paper, and in writing this area of my draft i found that it was one of my strengths. It was much easier for me to develop my thoughts and the draft when writing about and using the research I had found, then it was explaining the results form the experiment.
     My second post was another reflection, but regarding my seven deadly sins paper called, The Seven Deadly Sins Committed at the Local Mall. This paper was probably the most difficult for me because i really had to become very creative in my writing. Some of the sins were not events that you would see everyday, or that you realize you see everyday, but they needed to be involved in order to make the point of the paper. I easily came up with a few of the sins, and maybe even multiple ideas for them, but others I wasn't able to come up with anything. I think this harmed my paper a little because I was just sticking ideas in wherever in order to complete the task, but the paper didn't necessarily gel well together. In the end though, I learned to just get my ideas down and once everything was written, it would be easier to develop different ideas that would fit the piece better. Overall, it was a very fun and interesting paper to write.
    The third post was all about revising the introductions of my food paper. Our task was to come up with three new introductions using three new techniques we had learned, for our food paper. I found this task especially difficult because I really did enjoy my original introduction. I was able to come up with three new introductions and from this I realized that I was able to come up with new ideas. Whether they fit the piece any better than my original introduction didn't necessarily matter, it was the fact that I was able to use new ideas to draft totally different introductions. After this post I felt very proud of myself.
     The fourth post was a revision of the conclusions for my seven deadly sins paper. My original draft did not have a conclusion, so I was starting from scratch, unlike my introductions post. I found this task difficult though because my paper was more of a story and it was difficult to incorporate a real conclusion using the techniques we learned when I was really just telling a story. I did end up developing two new conclusions, neither of which were the best conclusions I have written, but they suited the paper. They did help to bring the paper together in a cohesive ending. Therefore, I did learn that no matter what kind of paper you are writing, it is important to bring the paper together in the end in order to let the reader know that you are finished.
    My fifth post was again about the seven deadly sins. This time it was just my original draft revised. I went through and fixed up grammar mistakes as well as clarifying certain events involving the sins. Some of the events that were used to show the sins either didn't make sense, or just didn't really fit into the rest of the story. I still found it difficult to come up with new ideas so the revised version is very similar to the original, but it does flow better from paragraph to paragraph.
    The sixth post was another reflection on a partner paper I had written called, How To Make and Keep Friends On Facebook.
    The last entry is another reflection and revision of a paper I wrote about my Dad. This paper was both fun and difficult for me to write. It was fun because I was writing about someone who I really cared about, but difficult because I know him way to well. It was hard to make everything make sense because I had so many thoughts in my head about him. When going through and revising the draft, I am seeing the importance of prioritizing my thoughts in order to determine what is really needed and what isn't. In developing this paper, it probably would have been a good idea to start with a outline so that i could determine which ideas were of most importance and where in the paper they should be placed. Even though I did not do an outline, It is much easier to go back and revise the paper when all of my thoughts have been written down. That way I can just remove what isn't needed and clarify or develop more upon what is important.
    Overall, I really enjoyed this class. It gave me the chance to write a variety of pieces and pin point my strengths and weaknesses. In using the blog I was able to see my writing all together for the first time, allowing me to really compare and contrast the pieces. This class has definitely helped in preparing for college, and will allow me to be successful with my writing in the future!

Keep It Up

     I really enjoyed writing this piece because I was able to write about someone really special to me. I felt like for a first draft it was pretty good but it could definitely be kicked up a notch! What i like most about the paper is the descriptions of my dad, specifically my opening description. "Walking through the door after work is the first thought I have of my dad. All you can see is his weathered face, the rest of him covered up by the warm layers, protecting him from the cold. He has that smell of the outdoors that you don’t really notice until someone walks in. His bright orange shirt and hat blind you for a second. You wonder why he would wear such a thing. His caramel hair has turned black from the snow, spiked up like little icicles." When I picture my dad, this is what I think of. Although it is not what he looks like all the time, I picture him in a working sense, and hopefully my description gives the reader the same sense. I also like the line, "He has taught me to stick it out, work as hard as I can, and never give up. These are things that everyone knows, but for the first time I saw them in action when it really mattered." I would possibly think of changing this line up a little to make it more clear, but this is more of what I would like to focus on for my dominant impression. I would also like to develop more on my descriptions and examples of my dad's personality. He is somewhat of a complex personality, which is hard to explain. My original example is, "One of my new friends from school had been coming over to my house a lot. At first my dad wouldn’t even say hi to her. Then one day we were eating at the table and all of the sudden my friend turned around to find my dads face two inches from hers, staring right at her, and scaring her half to death." I like this example but it may be hard for some readers to really get the idea of his personality. Therefore, I would like to develop a new example, or possibly another description. I could also add more dialogue in this area to give the reader the full effect. Depending on what I decide to focus on for my dominant impression, the descriptions of his personality may not be as needed, but instead i could add more examples of him dealing with the situation and teaching me the lessons I had stated before. This would help to develop the dominant impression more.
      I would love to know where else more description could be added and if I should clarify any descriptions already made. I would also like feedback on whether my dominant impression is understood. I believe that there is a dominant impression but am not sure whether it ties into the rest of the story or if it is emphasized enough. I felt that my descriptions were more of a main focus but i would rather the dominant impression be the focus. Third, where else can more dialogue be added? And is the current dialogue effective? Lastly, my title. I like the title, but feel that there may be better and more interesting ideas.

Keep It Up

       Walking through the door after work is the first thought I have of my dad. All you can see is his weathered face, the rest of him covered up by the warm layers, protecting him from the cold. He has that smell of the outdoors that you don’t really notice until someone walks in. His bright orange shirt and hat blind you for a second. You wonder why he would wear such a thing. His caramel hair has turned black from the snow, spiked up like little icicles.

             His height is deceiving. He seems tall and tough but when you get up next to him, you realize he’s more of a shrimp, than a giant. His strength is deceiving too. His stature gives you the sense that he’s just a big fatty, when in reality he’s 160 pounds of pure muscle. He has this look that he gets when he first meets someone, usually scaring them away. It’s a look that is hard to explain, but if you don’t know him, it probably sends shivers down your spine.

           In the past two years my dad has taught me more than I would have ever thought. He has taught me to stick it out, work as hard as I can, and never give up until I reach my goal. And more importantly, I learned the importance of family and sticking together.

Sitting at his laptop, every single day, all day, filling out application after application. I see him there on the couch, hunched over towards the computer, his almond eyes squinting until they disappear in the wrinkles, even though he’s wearing his glasses. Due to the issues in the economy, my dad was unable to work, so he sat at home every day applying to job after job. He had literally applied to hundreds of jobs, just like those people they showed on the news. With so many people out of work, it was difficult to find a job when  hundreds of other people were in the same situation.

He always seemed so excited when we would come home from school, seeing as he had been sitting there all by himself for so long doing the same thing as the day before. He would ask question after question, “How was your day? What are you doing tonight? Do you have a lot of homework?” It was somewhat annoying but I knew he only wanted someone to talk to and he sounded so excited. The mood totally changed when you would ask him about his day. “What did you do today Dad?” I would ask. “Well I cleaned up the kitchen because I hadn’t cleaned it yesterday, and I worked a little out in the yard again,” he answered dejectedly. I felt horrible, but he always tried to keep a smile on his face. You could see it in his eyes that he was worried, but he would never let anyone know it.

            The times that were the worst were when he would actually receive a call back from somewhere asking him to go in for an interview. The whole family would get so excited, but when we came home the next day and asked him about it, it was always, “Its not really worth it, there won’t be enough money.” That was the hardest part, always getting our hopes up and then realizing that it was never going to work out. It was hard for the whole family, but it was hardest for my dad. My dad, being a land surveyor, had to travel out of town a lot. He worked in all kinds of weather, and when he was home on the weekends, his days off from work, he still worked. He did the yard work, or cleaned the house, anything to keep himself busy. He’s always moving, and for the first time, with no job, he actually stopped. Or so you would think.

            Instead he just worked at finding a job, everyday, all day. Month after month, he searched and searched. Whether something came of his efforts or not, he kept going. He never gave up because the family depended on him.  In the whole situation he brought us closer together. We all supported each other, we ate dinner together every night, something we hadn’t in done in years.  I saw how his persistence and heart to never give up, whether he found a job or not, actually brought about better effects. We became a better family, and learned that together we could make it through anything, as long as we stuck together.

            We are a closer family than ever before, and have learned more about each other through the hardships we have endured. My mom is now famous for her monthly calendars in which she plans the meals for everyday of the month, because everyday we still have a family dinner. My dad has also found a job. He’s doing the same thing as before, just working with a new company and we couldn’t be any more relieved. Surprisingly, I am glad that we had to endure this because in the end it brought about more good than bad. Family and the people around are what really help a person get through tough situations, and I don’t know what I would do without a great family like mine.

How to Make and Keep Friends on Facebook

     When starting this assignment, I originally thought it would be rather difficult because we were struggling to come up with a topic. We decided on how to make and keep friends on facebook after hearing the idea from a list in class. We were both able to come up with multiple ideas for the topic right away so it seemed like a logical and interesting choice. It was easy to come up with a list of do's and dont's for the paper, but it was more difficult to draft explanations of each idea. They are rather brief but the paper is targeted towards facebook users so they already have background information.
     The draft has no conclusion so one would need to be added. The conclusion would summarize all of our ideas and connect the points of the paper. Some sort of pictures or actual examples of what people have done on facebook could also make the paper more interesting. For example, tips such as the one about quizzes could have specific examples of quizzes someone would find on facebook. Or pictures of status's exemplifying the ones used in the draft. It was also suggested to make the ideas/tips more organized. We could group tips about status's or requests together but the paper is more of a list so the tips don't really relate except for the fact that they are all about facebook.
     Overall I like the paper. I like our topic because it's relatable to a lot of people and we were able to add some humor for example, when we say, "Does anyone actually play Farmville?... and enjoy it?" This way its more interesting and not something that someone would typically read. I especially like our opening line, "Making friends on facebook is easy, but too many people do countless annoying and infuriating acts of stupidity, resulting in the possible loss of friends." This one sentence sums up our exact reasoning for writing the paper and its humerous. As a whole I really enjoy our introduction paragraph. Its short and sweet and to the point which makes the reader more interested.

How to Make and Keep Friends on Facebook

            Making friends on facebook is easy, but too many people do countless annoying and infuriating acts of stupidity, resulting in the possible loss of friends. By avoiding these acts you can become one of the few non-hated individuals of facebook. Here is a list of  What not to do on Facebook:

1. Don’t comment and like all of your friends pictures

One compliment is enough but I think we get the point after the first 30 notifications.

2. No pointless status’

No one needs to know when you’re going to the bathroom or taking a trip to the grocery store.

3. Don’t send game requests…ever

Does anyone actually play Farmville?... and enjoy it?

4. Gifts are only satisfying in person

Don't send people gifts. Do you really think they care to receive virtual gifts? If you want to send me a gift, ask for my physical address and I'll be more than happy to receive a nice gift card, or even cash from you.

5. Your not the only one

“Michael Jackson is dead!” You heard it from me first! Me and the 213,000 other people who saw it on TMZ.

6. Don’t make lazy grammar and spelling mistrakes

It only takes 5 extra seconds to check what you typed and avoid looking like and idiot.

7. Don’t unfriend me after an argument

If you are too immature to unfriend someone for a stupid argument, then you shouldn’t be on facebook in the first place.

8. Facebook is enough

Just because we are friends on facebook, doesn’t mean you need to add me on Twitter, Myspace, Myyearbook, etc.

9. I barely know you

Just because I accepted your friend request doesn’t mean we are best friends or that I actually want to be friends… just letting you know!

10. No quizzes

No one wants to know what Harry Potter character you are.

The All New Seven Deadly Sins

     My revised paper is similar to the original. I changed many of the sentences in order to make the paper flow better but the ideas are generally the same. It was hard to come up with new ideas or to expand on ideas that I had already come up with. I changed my opening paragraph up to make it more interesting and I think it draws the readerin much better now. "We sat on one of the fountains abundant with shrubbery and immediately noticed a young girl walking towards the food court carrying what seemed to be about thirty shopping bags." This is a sentence that I had changed around to make it more believable. When reading this, I can picture this girl walking through the mall with all her bags and hopefully the reader will too. "The wrathful argument immediately sent my friend and me out of the store." I also like sentences such as this one where I dont plainly say what sin is being committed. Its obvious because I use the word wrathful, that this is the sin being committed, but it makes the paper more interesting and not as obvious.

Seven Deadly Sins Committed at the Local Mall

            This Saturday my friend and I decided to take a stress-free trip to the mall. Both of us were low on money so we decided people watching would be an interesting way to pass the time. For those who don’t know, people watching is literally when you sit and watch people walking by. The goal is to not let them know you are watching them, and you tend to find some very interesting people. That Friday at school we had just started a writing project in English about the seven deadly sins so my friend and I thought it would be funny to see if we could find a person who exemplified each sin in the mall.

We sat on one of the fountains abundant with shrubbery and immediately noticed a young girl walking towards the food court carrying what seemed to be about thirty shopping bags. In my opinion, no one should purchase enough items to be carrying that many bags at one time. At the same time, my friend and I looked at each other and said, “Gluttony!”

            We happened to be sitting right in front of the Abercrombie and Fitch store. My friend and I chatted about the kids at school who are obsessive over stores like that and will only purchase and wear clothes from those stores, a girl our age walked by wearing Abercrombie from head to toe. She wore a blue polo t-shirt, a pair of skinny jeans and those rubber flip flops, all with the signature moose somewhere. This girl obviously exuded the sin of pride as she walked by with that smirk on her face.

            We had been sitting a while and decided it would be to our benefit, even though we really didn’t want to, to actually get up and move. As we began to walk towards our next destination, Starbucks, we passed by the toy store. It had been a while since either of us had been in a toy store so we decided “What the heck, why not take a look”. We had decided to walk in on the wrong day, MAJOR SALE. Anytime there is a sale anywhere, people tend to go crazy. The line was out the door with parents and small children and right there we spotted two sins. First was a father dragging his child to the end of the line as the kid screamed, “But I wanted the truck too!” I looked to the free hand of the father holding a car, but no truck. Of course the father replied with the typical response, “Johnny if you don’t quiet down right now we are leaving and I'm not buying you anything.” Greedy little boy.

            As we regretfully ventured further through the store, we realized we had entered a war zone. Toys were thrown everywhere, and we then heard the screaming. One soccer mom was yelling at another about who was in line first. They both had to get to their book club meetings and couldn’t spare any time, but ironically they had been standing in line for close to a half hour and neither of them seemed to notice that it probably wouldn’t make any difference who went first. The wrathful argument immediately sent my friend and me out of the store.

            We finally stopped at Starbucks and after drinking our mocha-whatevers we went to forever 21 where we again encountered multiple sins. First we saw two moms grabbing at everything they saw. They definitely should not have been shopping in that store, but they were clearly envious of their teenage daughters. We walked around for a while and found the slothful group as well. Three teenage girls had bought multiple bags of clothing for themselves and after walking out of the store, they proceeded to hand all of the bags to their mothers already waiting outside with previous bags.

            Lastly, as we were leaving the mall I heard a woman in the food court going on and on about how she just craved Maggie Moos ice cream. We had run into a friend of ours at school, and while talking we could hear this women talking non stop about how much she wanted that Maggie moos ice cream. Clearly she had a lust for some of that sugary goodness.

           

Have You Seen The Seven Deadly Sins

For my revised Seven Deadly Sins paper, I am trying two new conclusions. One will conclude with a prediction and the other by reviewing the key points.

Concluding with a prediction basically involves stating any concluding thoughts about the subject. In a sense you are letting the reader in on the final thoughts and opinions you have.

     At sometime in everyone's, they have committed all of these sins whether they realize it or not. As seen in the mall, people can be characterized by the seven deadly sins everywhere. They may not know that they are doing what they are doing but it happens. Most events involving more than one person, also involve one of the sins. Although we may not think of these as real sins, they happen everyday.

Concluding by reviewing key points means you restate or summarize points already made in the paper, while trying not to make it too repetitive.

     By taking a casual trip to the mall, it was easy to see that events involving the seven deadly sins happen all around us. Most people don't identify that these are the events happening, but they occur everywhere. They happen in times of conflict, or even in daily routine. Such as the mothers fighting for a spot in line, or the Abercrombie girl shopping at her usual store. All these events occur everyday around us.

Chocolaty Introductions

   In order to make my food paper draft better, I have revised my draft using three new introduction techniques. In my first introduction I used facts to introduce the topic. For my three new introductions I plan to use a quote, a question, and speak directly to the readers concern.

Original Intro: The ancient cultures of Mexico and Central America were of the first known to develop anything chocolate. Spicy, frothy drinks were their specialty made from ground cacao beans and various seasonings. Later, chocolate was developed upon by Spanish Conquistadors who brought the seeds back home to Spain. Today, cultures around the world have developed more and more on the concept of chocolate, with major companies like Hershey and Godiva. Whole isles in the grocery store can be dedicated to this one food. But what is chocolate anyway, and how do these sweets compare to each other? 


Quote: "Too much of a good thing is simply wonderful."-Deborah Fox. In many cases, this saying is used in regards to none other than, chocolate. Its a favorite among many, and people cant seem to get enough. When visiting the grocery store, whole isles are devoted to this one food. There are a multitude of chocolate makers as well as the variety of chocolates they make. All have different techniques and maybe even there own spin on the traditional sweet, but in the end chocolate is chocolate.

Question: Have you ever wondered why, of all the sweets and candies in the world, people flock towards chocolate? What makes it that good? There are many companies devoted just to making chocolate, Hershey and Godiva, to name a few. They have developed different varieties and flavors of chocolate, allowing people to make a multitude of choices. Our class had the opportunity to compare and contrast a few of these chocolates in order to find out the real reason people love this food so much.

Readers Concern: Around the world people find themselves craving that sweet and delicious chocolate. Do you find yourself craving chocolate and wondering why it is so good? Originally coming from the ancient cultures of Mexico and Central America chocolate has been around for thousands of years. With its many health benefits, it can actually be beneficial to people, as well as delicious to eat. Our class got to taste test many varieties of chocolate in order to compare and contrast this delicious food.

Seven Deadly Sins Comitted at the Local Mall

     When I first began to draft the paper it was hard to come up with a direction for the paper. Where was the story going to take place, and how was I going to make my paper unique? I decided on the mall because there are a lot of people and many things can happen, so it would be more likely for these events to occur there. It was easy to come up with the first few sins because they were actually things that I had witnessed before, but I was easily stumped by a few. It was also easy to come up with situations for each sin but the paper as a whole did not flow very well. From reading "All Seven Deadly Sins Committed at Church Bake Sale," and writing my first draft, I have learned the importance of making clear and interesting examples in order to make your point clear to the reader.
     When I read my draft again, I thought that my ideas were good but they weren't executed in the best way. The paragraphs were very separate and the paper didn't flow well together. I think that my concept for the paper is good because its believable, but I need to have better examples or clarify/explain them better in order to make the paper more appealing. I like my introduction paragraph, "This Saturday my friend and I took a lackadaisical trip to the mall. Neither of us had very much money so we decided people watching would be an interesting way to pass the time. For those who don’t know, people watching is literally when you sit and watch people walking by. The goal is to not let them know you are watching them but you definitely see some interesting people," but I think it could be more interesting. Perhaps explaining what people watching is in a different way, or an example of something funny that I have seen that is not one of the seven deadly sins will help. My draft now is more like a list of events that happened while I was at the mall rather than a story, which may be more appealing. I need to work on my transitions from each idea so that the paper ties together better. I don't think I necessarily need to come up with new ideas or situations for each of the sins, but they could be written differently to be more interesting. I also think I ended the paper rather abruptly, almost like I was rushing to finish or couldn't think of an idea, so my paper could use more of a clear conclusion.

Seven Deadly Sins Committed at the Local Mall

            This Saturday my friend and I took a lackadaisical trip to the mall. Neither of us had very much money so we decided people watching would be an interesting way to pass the time. For those who don’t know, people watching is literally when you sit and watch people walking by. The goal is to not let them know you are watching them but you definitely see some interesting people.

            That Friday at school we had just started a writing project in English about the seven deadly sins so my friend and I thought it would be funny to see if we could find a person who exemplified each sin in the mall. As we sat on one of the fountains abundant with shrubbery, we immediately noticed a young girl walking towards the food court carrying what seemed to be about thirty shopping bags. No one should purchase enough items to be carrying that many bags. My friend and I turned to each other and in unison stated “Gluttony!”

            We had decided to sit down right near the Abercrombie and Fitch store, which I do admit is one of my favorites. My friend and I were chatting about the kids at school who are obsessive or stores like that and will only purchase and wear clothes from those stores, and right as we said it, a girl our age walked by decked out in all Abercrombie. She wore a blue polo t-shirt, a pair of skinny jeans and those rubber flip flops, all with the signature moose somewhere. Obviously this girl exuded the sin of pride as she walked by with that smirk on her face.

            We had been sitting a while and decided it would be to benefit, even though we really didn’t want to, to actually get up and move. As we began to walk towards our next destination, Starbucks, we passed the toy store. It had been a while since either of us had been in a toy store so we decided what the heck, why not take a look. Apparently we decided to walk in on the wrong day, MAJOR SALE. Anytime there is a sale anywhere, people go crazy. The line was out the door with parents and small children and we found spotted two sins right there. First was a father dragging his child to the end of the line as the kid screamed, “But I wanted both toys!” when his father had only bought him one. Of course the father replied with the typical response, “Johnny if you don’t quiet down right now we are leaving and I'm not buying you anything.” Greedy little boy.

            As we regretfully ventured further in we realized we were walking into a war zone. Toys were thrown everywhere, and then we heard the screaming. One soccer mom was yelling at another about who was in line first. They both had to get to their book club meetings and couldn’t spare anytime, but ironically they had been standing in line for close to a half hour and neither of them seemed to notice that it probably wouldn’t make any difference who went first. The wrathful argument immediately sent my friend and me out of the store.

            After drinking our mocha-whatevers we went to forever 21 where we again encountered multiple sins. The first thing we saw were two moms grabbing everything they saw. This was definitely a store they should not have been shopping in but clearly they were envious of their teenage daughters. We walked around for a while and found the slothful group as well. Three teenage girls had bought multiple bags of clothing for themselves and after walking out of the store, they proceeded to hand all of the bags to their mothers already waiting outside with previous bags.

            Lastly, as we were leaving the mall I heard a woman in the food court going on and on about how she just craved Maggie Moos ice cream. She talked non stop about it and clearly had a lust for that ice cream.